Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
