not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
