I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize