So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
bring money and cleavage
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
