I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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