She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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