My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
