i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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