i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
