I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
