I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
