Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
