He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
