You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
