It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
