the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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