All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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