I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
