Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
