take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
