You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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