Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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