just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
