Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
