matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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