1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
