apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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