what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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