Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
