so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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