Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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