whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
