My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
