she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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