I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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