Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
