ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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