So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
