woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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