You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
