No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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