Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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