help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
