After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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