Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
