i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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