Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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