i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
