8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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