I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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