My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
