that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
