I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
