I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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