I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
