quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
