I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize