just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
