I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
