3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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