My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
