Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
