So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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