he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
