tell your sister to shave her snatch
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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