well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
