She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
