piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
