If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
