I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
