Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
