Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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