wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
