it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
