if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
