im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
